Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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