I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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