WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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