I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
