the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
