I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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