theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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