he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
