Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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