he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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