So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
