I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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