Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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