I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
