**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
