I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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