Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
