I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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