I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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