I think my vagina is haunted
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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