I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
