At least make sure they are 18
Why
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
