Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
