He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
