Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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