dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
