I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
