He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
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