1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Also, beer. Big fan.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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