I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
