took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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