I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There r osticjed everywhere
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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