"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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