it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
