I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
