I cannot find my penis.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
