I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
