Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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