Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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