So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
