I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
