on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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