they need to just BURY HIM!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
