Kareoke will never be a sober sport
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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