Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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