Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
