he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
