my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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