There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
