I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
