Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
