he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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