I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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